Relapse

I am a compulsive overeater and I have had 45 days of being abstinent until this weekend. I really blew it this weekend. I had a package of mini donuts and a candy bar at work yesterday. I also had a subway sandwich with bacon on it and had a root beer with it and chips. On top of all that, when I went grocery shopping I picked up a family size box of wheat thins and ended up eating the whole box in a day and a half. Those are now going on my red food list. Red foods are foods that you absolutely can’t have without binging on it. Yellow foods are foods that could tempt you, but you have better control over them. And green foods are definitely foods that you can control. So wheat thins are going on my red food list. So is donuts and candy. If I want a treat every now and again I will have a pretzel from subway at work. I feel bad that I relapsed. My dad doesn’t understand eating the whole box of something, or the lack of control I feel sometimes around food. I went 45 days of doing good and he was very supportive of my effort but I don’t think he quite understands when I binge. I don’t think either one of my parents know that I am bulimic. I told my mom, but we have never talked about it. She is following me, so if she is reading this, she now knows. But I mostly now suffer from the binging part of Bulimia. When I get the urge to binge, I lose all control of myself. I eat until I make myself sick. And those wheat thins definitely made me sick. I don’t think my dad understands this at all. Why I can’t just control how much I eat. Maybe I will pray that he might someday understand. But I still can recover. They say in OA progress not perfection. We just pick ourself back up and dust us off and start again. I may have to start from the beginning of my abstinence, but that is okay. I did it before, I can do it again. So tomorrow is going to be a fresh start. A new beginning. This weekend I made a big mistake, but that doesn’t have to be the end. I can start fresh. Just keep pressing forward to the goal!